Surface Noise

Today. Tuesday April 10,  2018. The day I began to write about my struggle in earnest. I’m somewhat lucky that things have played out as they have; had I begun even a week prior, I’d be telling a different story. *** The thoughts have come back. I thought I’d never feel them again. Sure, they typically stop by around this time of year, when kids are forced into doing well in school when their motivation has dropped to an all time low. But now I’m a senior. Graduation is coming up soon and I’m about to leave for college. I can let my grades slip a little bit if I’m so inclined. I should be on top of the world, but all I can think about is how I want out of it. Suicide has taken over my conscience. I can’t stop thinking about it. Thoughts of when and how I could take my own life have drifted into my thoughts, finding a place among the daily reminders I keep in my head. “Be sure to stop by the bank on your way home!” “Submit that paper before midnight!” “Do it. Kill yo...

I've been a bit lazy today, so I'm just posting the essay that I used for my college applications. Although it takes a while to make its point, the piece says a lot about me and where my head tends to be. Enjoy! The teenager’s bedroom: whether it remain cluttered or clean, simple or sophisticated, it’s a space whose organization tends to reflect his values and mannerisms. Mine is no different. On a long wooden dresser next to my unkempt bed sit a Betamax and a Nintendo Entertainment System. While my use of these two obsolete items is sparse, I am absolutely enamored by them, wondering daily what these things meant to their previous owners. Rising out of bed each morning, I glance at the clock on the Betamax, thinking not only of the tiring day ahead, but also the days that have passed before me. I can imagine the pride swelling within my grandfather as he gifted his son with “the latest and greatest technological marvel”. Likewise, I can envision my dad curled up on his sof...

Being a part of my school's newsmagazine, The Cannon,  has really had a profound impact on me as a person. Just this past year, the leadership, creativity, and teamwork that my classmates showed turned our publication from being a joke within our school to something that both students and teachers were excited to read each month. The end result and the work it took to achieve is nothing short of inspiring. Not long before I graduated, I had a conversation with my journalism teacher, Mr. Burtch, about my time in his class. This year's graduating class was his first group of kids that he taught for four consecutive years since he began his time at my school. He had formed a really close bond with all of us, and he learned as much from us as we did from him. We realized how much our experiences in Cannon  had changed who we are as people. The two of us agreed that the Class of 2018 needed some time for self-reflection. We came up with an idea: I would have all of the Cannon ...

I’ve been a writer since 2nd Grade, when my teacher was really adamant about getting our class to write. With her guidance, I began to grow a love for writing. I loved to write so much, in fact, that my stories kept getting longer and longer without end. While my classmates had finished their stories, mine were left...unfinished. But nonetheless, I had become a student of the pen (or rather the keyboard, if you’ve seen my handwriting), destined to write whatever came into my head.  So what happened after 2nd Grade? Well, I wrote (supposedly) really good essays throughout middle and high school. I became known among my friends as the kid who could write a kickass essay at 3 A.M. the night before it was due. But those thoughts in my head? I needed to somehow transform them into words, but I wasn’t sure where to begin. Years passed where writing was an almost an afterthought for me. In my junior year of high school, I decided to join my school newsmagazine and was slightly underwh...