Surface Noise

Today. Tuesday April 10,  2018. The day I began to write about my struggle in earnest. I’m somewhat lucky that things have played out as they have; had I begun even a week prior, I’d be telling a different story. *** The thoughts have come back. I thought I’d never feel them again. Sure, they typically stop by around this time of year, when kids are forced into doing well in school when their motivation has dropped to an all time low. But now I’m a senior. Graduation is coming up soon and I’m about to leave for college. I can let my grades slip a little bit if I’m so inclined. I should be on top of the world, but all I can think about is how I want out of it. Suicide has taken over my conscience. I can’t stop thinking about it. Thoughts of when and how I could take my own life have drifted into my thoughts, finding a place among the daily reminders I keep in my head. “Be sure to stop by the bank on your way home!” “Submit that paper before midnight!” “Do it. Kill yo...