Lanterns in the Breeze
Being a part of my school's newsmagazine, The Cannon, has really had a profound impact on me as a person. Just this past year, the leadership, creativity, and teamwork that my classmates showed turned our publication from being a joke within our school to something that both students and teachers were excited to read each month. The end result and the work it took to achieve is nothing short of inspiring.
Not long before I graduated, I had a conversation with my journalism teacher, Mr. Burtch, about my time in his class. This year's graduating class was his first group of kids that he taught for four consecutive years since he began his time at my school. He had formed a really close bond with all of us, and he learned as much from us as we did from him.
We realized how much our experiences in Cannon had changed who we are as people. The two of us agreed that the Class of 2018 needed some time for self-reflection. We came up with an idea: I would have all of the Cannon seniors, as well as a few honorary members, over at my house for a cookout and bonfire in order to think about how much we've grown.
The night prior to the cookout, I received a gift from a friend's mother: a box of floating paper lanterns. She instructed me to have my friends write their hopes, dreams, and thoughts on these lanterns before releasing them into the sky.
The next evening, after we enjoyed some top-notch bratwurst, we broke open the lanterns and began to write the words that were on our hearts. We divided our thoughts into four categories: what we'll cherish about The Cannon, our future hopes and aspirations, what we want to let go of in life, and any words of advice that we might have for someone who finds our lanterns (we're sorry if one landed on your roof).
The more I thought about the words that I wrote that night, the more they meant to me. The Alex of two years ago would not be able to recognize the Alex of today, and the thoughts I released into the sky are a testament to that. Here's exactly what I wrote for each category and the meanings behind all of these thoughts.
What I'll cherish about Cannon: "Brotha' Burtch and NO MORE DEBT!!"
To say that Mr. Burtch is one of the best people I have ever met is an understatement. He honestly felt more like a brother and friend than a teacher. The conversations that I've had with him have been nothing short of enlightening. They allowed me to gain new perspectives on issues that I wouldn't have previously thought of. He's known for a level of energy and enthusiasm that only a highschooler could match, and for letting his students learn by doing. He makes a point to rarely interfere with what's going in The Cannon, allowing all of us to grow from our own successes and failures.
His love for his students and for making positive change within his community led him to partner with another teacher to create Erase The Space, a nonprofit focused on improving discourse between students of differing socioeconomic areas. His freshman English students spent a large chunk of their school year communicating with peers from another school that was nothing like their own. Everyone, however, was able to find common ground and work together towards a shared goal. Needless to say, I'm proud of Mr. Burtch for all that he's done so far throughout his career and I've been incredibly blessed to have him as a teacher.
Now about the debt: The Cannon's woeful financial situation was a constant joke that loomed over us for half a decade. Before I was even in high school, a previous journalism adviser took a large group of her students on an all expenses-paid trip to Washington, D.C. I hope they all had fun, but the fact of the matter is that it was paid for with journalism funds that didn't even exist, thus putting our publication into a whopping $13,000 in debt.
When I took over as Business Manager for my senior year, we still had over $7,000 of our debt left to pay. I set a goal to eliminate it once and for all. I wasn't sure if it was even possible, but I wanted give it my best shot. Being the nicest hardass I could be, I pushed people to sell more ads, helped set up fundraising opportunities, and improved our marketing. Thankfully, everyone else was on board, as they wanted to be out of the red as much as I did. It was the group effort that made all the difference in the end.
I'll never forget the day when I stumbled upon the paperwork for that infamous trip. We were all staying after school to finish working on an issue, and I threw a temper tantrum in front of everyone. Other English teachers that were still in the building ran to the J-Lab to see what I was ranting about. There were hotel and flight reservations, itineraries, and a final, negative number written on a sticky note. I ran down to the library to make a copy of everything, which I stuck to the whiteboard with a note: "No ads=no $=more debt". I wasn't about to let us slip up again.
Likewise, I'll always remember the moment when I realized that our debt was gone. As I walked into the J-Lab, Mr. Burtch immediately grabbed me and pointed to a number on our financial records. A positive number. Chaos erupted as soon as I announced that we had finally achieved our goal. Everyone started phoning their friends and family to share the news with them. Several people suggested that I put that number on my fridge as a reminder of what we accomplished that year.
I never really believed in goal setting before I was a senior, but successfully paying off that bloody debt convinced me that it's something that I should try more often.
My future aspirations: "POTUS, SOTH, CEO--but down to earth"
This one actually surprised some of my friends. I want to go into the business world in some capacity, but I also hope to be a politician someday. I've always been a political junkie, and witnessing both major parties turn into hotter and hotter dumpster fires has made me want to become a fire extinguisher of sorts.
Who knows if I'll ever be President, Speaker of the House, or a CEO of a large company. I guess I'll aim for that and we'll see what happens. But whether or not I make it to the big leagues, it's important to me that I stick to my roots, never forgetting the values I've held to be important throughout my life. That means being kind and fair to everyone I encounter, and not letting wealth or fame get in the way of my decisions.
All of these things directly conflict with life as usual in the political and corporate realms. Politicians and businessmen are always looking to stick knives in each others backs, something that I wish to stop. And being in such a high position makes it nearly impossible to be human. When I was really little, President George W. Bush visited my neighborhood for a fundraiser. His security detail was mind-boggling to witness for someone my age. Nobody was allowed to enter or leave the area while he was present, and he had to ask a Secret Service member for some cash to buy a glass of lemonade from one of my neighbors. The fact that Bush wasn't even allowed to carry paper money on his person goes to show how out of touch politicians and leaders can get with the common citizen. I aspire to bridge that gap in whatever way I can.
My faith also comes to mind here. Romans 12:2, a verse that I try to live my life by, instructs us to avoid accepting the status-quo.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
I wish to let go of: "Hesitance, Hate, and Suicide"
There's a lot that I need to let go of in my life, and somehow I managed to fit most of it under the umbrella of "hesitance, hate, and suicide". I've never been fully confident in myself. I've always known that I'm capable of a few things, but I would always second guess whatever I'm doing, attacking it with hesitance instead of going with gusto.
I have also struggled with recurring suicidal thoughts and self-hate for many years now, and it's about time that I kick both of those things out of my head, and permanently. I've never missed an opportunity to put myself down or diminish my accomplishments, but perhaps these are opportunities that I need to pass up. I can cover the emotions, fears, and struggles that I had during those dark times in a later post, but for a very long time, it seemed inevitable that I would eventually succumb to my suicidal urges. Luckily, I didn't give in, because I've got a lot of living to do with my life.
The moment after I tossed my graduation cap into the air with more than 500 of my classmates, I felt a heavy blindfold being lifted from my eyes. There were so many people who sat next to me that day that I didn't feel like I was even allowed to talk to throughout these past four years. But suddenly, we were all cracking jokes with one another and taking candid group pictures. I could talk to these people if I wanted to. All I had to do was try! Ever since then, I've been more confident than at any other time in my life. I'm proud of who I am, what I've done, and what I will be able to do in the years to come. I hope to stay this way forever, but that means getting rid of those three terrible things that have had a hold on me for such a long time. It's a challenge that I'm finally willing to accept.
As we released this set of lanterns, our laughter turned to silence as we felt our demons finally being freed from our lives, only being known by the skies from now on.
My advice: "Be Here Now--Listen to Hannah!"
Of all of the things written or said that evening, this is what I was most passionate about. I didn't have to put in much thought to decide what advice to give, as those three words have been echoing in my head almost daily as of late. It's the same advice that I've given to all of my classmates in every single graduation card I've written. It's the mantra I repeat to myself whenever I've had all I can take. It's something that I wish everyone could live by.
You can thank Hannah for this piece of advice. Her words--beautiful, yet raw and telling--were what inspired me to begin to write down my own thoughts in hopes of better understanding myself. She has a blog, aptly titled "Be Here Now", on which she wrote a piece about what the phrase means to her. You can read that post, and her other amazing work, right here. It will blow you away! :)
To me, however, the meaning of "Be Here Now" is twofold:
First it means living in the moment--not in the future or the past, but the present. It's tough to do. You've got to put everything else aside--whether it be minor or major--in favor of what's happening right in front of you. Sure, sometimes you'd rather be somewhere else than where you are right now. But maybe that's causing you to miss a beautiful moment without even realizing it.
When we lit and released the lanterns, all of my friends held their phones up in the air to record the pretty sight. Sure, it's nice to have documented a moment that none of us ever want to forget. But were we all really there? Or were we like every other bystander watching our Snapchat stories the morning after?
And then there's the more difficult part of the phrase. In order to "Be Here Now", you also must do your best to prevent the stress and chaos in your life from overtaking whatever you're currently trying to do. Whenever I go on a night drive in hopes of calming my nerves, I often think about the 15 things I have to do the next day: deposit that check, write that letter, call that person, clean the house, mow the lawn--and the list goes on. As much as there is to stress over, just telling myself to "Be Here Now" never fails to get my head out of the clouds so that I can appreciate what I would have otherwise missed: the beautiful sunset perched above a smooth country road, the cool breeze running through my hair, and my favorite song blasting on the radio.
"Be Here Now" is something that I still haven't mastered. When I woke up this morning remembering that I had to go into work at 4:00, it began to affect my entire day. I could hardly focus on enjoying myself or completing the odd jobs that needed to be done around the house. I let the prospect of a 6 hour shift seep into the remaining 18 hours of the day that were still mine. In my mind, I was wiping countertops and taking orders while I was trying to enjoy lunch on my back porch. I was waiting to clock out before I was even clocked in. I needed to free my brain of what waited for me a few hours into the future and instead focus on the peacefulness of the present.
So no matter how challenging it may be at times, Be Here Now. You'll never know when you're living in the good times until they're gone.
Seeing those lanterns float off into the fading night sky was reassuring to all of us. We were comforted by how much high school has shaped us into the great people we are today. Our thoughts have dispersed in different directions over the countryside, just as we will part ways to go to different colleges in a few months. Although decades might pass until we're all together again, we'll forever find solace in the memories that we shared as Cannon members. Best of all, whenever any of us see a bright light passing through the sky, we'll remember the evening that we gave our innermost thoughts to the wind.
Not long before I graduated, I had a conversation with my journalism teacher, Mr. Burtch, about my time in his class. This year's graduating class was his first group of kids that he taught for four consecutive years since he began his time at my school. He had formed a really close bond with all of us, and he learned as much from us as we did from him.
We realized how much our experiences in Cannon had changed who we are as people. The two of us agreed that the Class of 2018 needed some time for self-reflection. We came up with an idea: I would have all of the Cannon seniors, as well as a few honorary members, over at my house for a cookout and bonfire in order to think about how much we've grown.
The night prior to the cookout, I received a gift from a friend's mother: a box of floating paper lanterns. She instructed me to have my friends write their hopes, dreams, and thoughts on these lanterns before releasing them into the sky.
The next evening, after we enjoyed some top-notch bratwurst, we broke open the lanterns and began to write the words that were on our hearts. We divided our thoughts into four categories: what we'll cherish about The Cannon, our future hopes and aspirations, what we want to let go of in life, and any words of advice that we might have for someone who finds our lanterns (we're sorry if one landed on your roof).
The more I thought about the words that I wrote that night, the more they meant to me. The Alex of two years ago would not be able to recognize the Alex of today, and the thoughts I released into the sky are a testament to that. Here's exactly what I wrote for each category and the meanings behind all of these thoughts.
***
What I'll cherish about Cannon: "Brotha' Burtch and NO MORE DEBT!!"
To say that Mr. Burtch is one of the best people I have ever met is an understatement. He honestly felt more like a brother and friend than a teacher. The conversations that I've had with him have been nothing short of enlightening. They allowed me to gain new perspectives on issues that I wouldn't have previously thought of. He's known for a level of energy and enthusiasm that only a highschooler could match, and for letting his students learn by doing. He makes a point to rarely interfere with what's going in The Cannon, allowing all of us to grow from our own successes and failures.
His love for his students and for making positive change within his community led him to partner with another teacher to create Erase The Space, a nonprofit focused on improving discourse between students of differing socioeconomic areas. His freshman English students spent a large chunk of their school year communicating with peers from another school that was nothing like their own. Everyone, however, was able to find common ground and work together towards a shared goal. Needless to say, I'm proud of Mr. Burtch for all that he's done so far throughout his career and I've been incredibly blessed to have him as a teacher.
Now about the debt: The Cannon's woeful financial situation was a constant joke that loomed over us for half a decade. Before I was even in high school, a previous journalism adviser took a large group of her students on an all expenses-paid trip to Washington, D.C. I hope they all had fun, but the fact of the matter is that it was paid for with journalism funds that didn't even exist, thus putting our publication into a whopping $13,000 in debt.
When I took over as Business Manager for my senior year, we still had over $7,000 of our debt left to pay. I set a goal to eliminate it once and for all. I wasn't sure if it was even possible, but I wanted give it my best shot. Being the nicest hardass I could be, I pushed people to sell more ads, helped set up fundraising opportunities, and improved our marketing. Thankfully, everyone else was on board, as they wanted to be out of the red as much as I did. It was the group effort that made all the difference in the end.
I'll never forget the day when I stumbled upon the paperwork for that infamous trip. We were all staying after school to finish working on an issue, and I threw a temper tantrum in front of everyone. Other English teachers that were still in the building ran to the J-Lab to see what I was ranting about. There were hotel and flight reservations, itineraries, and a final, negative number written on a sticky note. I ran down to the library to make a copy of everything, which I stuck to the whiteboard with a note: "No ads=no $=more debt". I wasn't about to let us slip up again.
Likewise, I'll always remember the moment when I realized that our debt was gone. As I walked into the J-Lab, Mr. Burtch immediately grabbed me and pointed to a number on our financial records. A positive number. Chaos erupted as soon as I announced that we had finally achieved our goal. Everyone started phoning their friends and family to share the news with them. Several people suggested that I put that number on my fridge as a reminder of what we accomplished that year.
I never really believed in goal setting before I was a senior, but successfully paying off that bloody debt convinced me that it's something that I should try more often.
My future aspirations: "POTUS, SOTH, CEO--but down to earth"
This one actually surprised some of my friends. I want to go into the business world in some capacity, but I also hope to be a politician someday. I've always been a political junkie, and witnessing both major parties turn into hotter and hotter dumpster fires has made me want to become a fire extinguisher of sorts.
Who knows if I'll ever be President, Speaker of the House, or a CEO of a large company. I guess I'll aim for that and we'll see what happens. But whether or not I make it to the big leagues, it's important to me that I stick to my roots, never forgetting the values I've held to be important throughout my life. That means being kind and fair to everyone I encounter, and not letting wealth or fame get in the way of my decisions.
All of these things directly conflict with life as usual in the political and corporate realms. Politicians and businessmen are always looking to stick knives in each others backs, something that I wish to stop. And being in such a high position makes it nearly impossible to be human. When I was really little, President George W. Bush visited my neighborhood for a fundraiser. His security detail was mind-boggling to witness for someone my age. Nobody was allowed to enter or leave the area while he was present, and he had to ask a Secret Service member for some cash to buy a glass of lemonade from one of my neighbors. The fact that Bush wasn't even allowed to carry paper money on his person goes to show how out of touch politicians and leaders can get with the common citizen. I aspire to bridge that gap in whatever way I can.
My faith also comes to mind here. Romans 12:2, a verse that I try to live my life by, instructs us to avoid accepting the status-quo.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
I wish to let go of: "Hesitance, Hate, and Suicide"
There's a lot that I need to let go of in my life, and somehow I managed to fit most of it under the umbrella of "hesitance, hate, and suicide". I've never been fully confident in myself. I've always known that I'm capable of a few things, but I would always second guess whatever I'm doing, attacking it with hesitance instead of going with gusto.
I have also struggled with recurring suicidal thoughts and self-hate for many years now, and it's about time that I kick both of those things out of my head, and permanently. I've never missed an opportunity to put myself down or diminish my accomplishments, but perhaps these are opportunities that I need to pass up. I can cover the emotions, fears, and struggles that I had during those dark times in a later post, but for a very long time, it seemed inevitable that I would eventually succumb to my suicidal urges. Luckily, I didn't give in, because I've got a lot of living to do with my life.
The moment after I tossed my graduation cap into the air with more than 500 of my classmates, I felt a heavy blindfold being lifted from my eyes. There were so many people who sat next to me that day that I didn't feel like I was even allowed to talk to throughout these past four years. But suddenly, we were all cracking jokes with one another and taking candid group pictures. I could talk to these people if I wanted to. All I had to do was try! Ever since then, I've been more confident than at any other time in my life. I'm proud of who I am, what I've done, and what I will be able to do in the years to come. I hope to stay this way forever, but that means getting rid of those three terrible things that have had a hold on me for such a long time. It's a challenge that I'm finally willing to accept.
As we released this set of lanterns, our laughter turned to silence as we felt our demons finally being freed from our lives, only being known by the skies from now on.
My advice: "Be Here Now--Listen to Hannah!"
Of all of the things written or said that evening, this is what I was most passionate about. I didn't have to put in much thought to decide what advice to give, as those three words have been echoing in my head almost daily as of late. It's the same advice that I've given to all of my classmates in every single graduation card I've written. It's the mantra I repeat to myself whenever I've had all I can take. It's something that I wish everyone could live by.
You can thank Hannah for this piece of advice. Her words--beautiful, yet raw and telling--were what inspired me to begin to write down my own thoughts in hopes of better understanding myself. She has a blog, aptly titled "Be Here Now", on which she wrote a piece about what the phrase means to her. You can read that post, and her other amazing work, right here. It will blow you away! :)
To me, however, the meaning of "Be Here Now" is twofold:
First it means living in the moment--not in the future or the past, but the present. It's tough to do. You've got to put everything else aside--whether it be minor or major--in favor of what's happening right in front of you. Sure, sometimes you'd rather be somewhere else than where you are right now. But maybe that's causing you to miss a beautiful moment without even realizing it.
When we lit and released the lanterns, all of my friends held their phones up in the air to record the pretty sight. Sure, it's nice to have documented a moment that none of us ever want to forget. But were we all really there? Or were we like every other bystander watching our Snapchat stories the morning after?
And then there's the more difficult part of the phrase. In order to "Be Here Now", you also must do your best to prevent the stress and chaos in your life from overtaking whatever you're currently trying to do. Whenever I go on a night drive in hopes of calming my nerves, I often think about the 15 things I have to do the next day: deposit that check, write that letter, call that person, clean the house, mow the lawn--and the list goes on. As much as there is to stress over, just telling myself to "Be Here Now" never fails to get my head out of the clouds so that I can appreciate what I would have otherwise missed: the beautiful sunset perched above a smooth country road, the cool breeze running through my hair, and my favorite song blasting on the radio.
"Be Here Now" is something that I still haven't mastered. When I woke up this morning remembering that I had to go into work at 4:00, it began to affect my entire day. I could hardly focus on enjoying myself or completing the odd jobs that needed to be done around the house. I let the prospect of a 6 hour shift seep into the remaining 18 hours of the day that were still mine. In my mind, I was wiping countertops and taking orders while I was trying to enjoy lunch on my back porch. I was waiting to clock out before I was even clocked in. I needed to free my brain of what waited for me a few hours into the future and instead focus on the peacefulness of the present.
So no matter how challenging it may be at times, Be Here Now. You'll never know when you're living in the good times until they're gone.
***
Seeing those lanterns float off into the fading night sky was reassuring to all of us. We were comforted by how much high school has shaped us into the great people we are today. Our thoughts have dispersed in different directions over the countryside, just as we will part ways to go to different colleges in a few months. Although decades might pass until we're all together again, we'll forever find solace in the memories that we shared as Cannon members. Best of all, whenever any of us see a bright light passing through the sky, we'll remember the evening that we gave our innermost thoughts to the wind.
Dope post, brotha.
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